Here is a list of what I consider to be the main “rules of the road” for those of you who decide to check-out some 12-Step meetings.  This is not an “official” list (I don’t think there is one), but rather, it is just a bunch of observations I have made over the years.

Anonymity.  I cannot stress enough to the newcomer that the number one rule of all 12-Step programs is “anonymity.”  That means that, once you leave a meeting, it is okay to tell others outside the program about the stories you have heard, but you cannot, cannot, CANNOT reveal the names of the people you saw there.  Why?  Because many people in 12-Step meetings do not tell anyone, not even their spouses, their children, or their parents, that they are attending meetings.  People have all sorts of reasons as to why they may keep their involvement in a 12-Step program a secret, but the point is that it is not up to YOU to break someone else’s anonymity!

Cross-Talk & Double-Talk.  Oftentimes at meetings you will hear the terms “cross-talk” and “double-talk.”  Neither is allowed.  “Cross-talk” means that, after someone speaks at a meeting, whether as the speaker or as someone in the audience sharing a few thoughts, you cannot speak directly to that person about what they have said in front of the group (in other words, in your sharing).  Think of a meeting as a safe place to dump all that crap you carry around in your head.  After you dump it, you don’t want someone to pick it up and give it back to you.  Everyone shares their own individual thoughts and insights without giving advice or analysing what someone else has said in front of the group.  It is okay, however, to approach someone after the meeting or during the break to discuss something they said, privately.  “Double-talk” refers to speaking more than once at the same meeting.  This is considered to be in poor taste in large meetings where there is limited time for sharing.  In smaller meetings it is usually not an issue, as long as everyone gets the opportunity to share more than once.

Mentioning specific foods or beverages.  Many OA meetings state in their formats that the mentioning of specific foods when addressing the group is not allowed.  Why?  Because it may trigger a craving in those members who may be in the fragile first stages of early abstinence.  (I have heard that the same goes on at some AA meetings, but I have not personally witnessed it.)  So how do you talk about your food addiction without mentioning specific foods?  You will hear lots of people say things like “bags of stuff” or “sweets” or “my binge foods.”  In theory, if you are working a good, strong program, the mere mention of any food should not set you off.  But this is a compassionate gesture that helps those who have not yet reached that point in their recovery.

Non-Program Sources Of Information.  Recommending books or authors while you are speaking to the group is not a good idea.  Each 12-Step program has a list of approved literature, and when addressing a group, these should be the only books mentioned so as not to confuse your suggestions with the suggestions of AA, OA,… as a whole.

Meeting Disruptions.  Cell phones buzzing or ringing, texting, whispering, and all other disruptive behaviors are seriously frowned-upon at meetings.  This is not to say that you will not see such behaviors, but all of them are disrespectful.  The majority of people at meetings are serious about their recovery and don’t take kindly to deliberate distractions.  If you must use your phone or talk to someone during the meeting, have the courtesy to leave the room.