For recovering alcoholics, “sobriety” is that period of time when they have not had a single drop of alcohol.  “Abstinence” for food addicts is similar, yet much more difficult to define.  Theoretically, it is that period of time when they have eaten only the items and the amounts that are allowed on their food plans.  Many OA’s follow this definition very strictly.  However, there are others in OA, like myself, who think this ideal is unrealistic.

Once the alcoholic has made the decision not to drink, he never has to touch alcohol again.  He can follow this rule “perfectly.”  But the food addict still has to eat – – daily, and at least three times per day.  That gives the food addict plenty of opportunities to “mess-up.”  What if you absent-mindedly lick the spoon while you are cooking?  What if you are asked to “taste” something and you do it out of habit?  What if you “feel like” you ate too much at a restaurant?  What if you think that the portion sizes you had at that family gathering seemed a little larger than usual because you were too embarrassed to whip-out your measuring cups?  Do these things mean that you have “broken” your abstinence?  Some people would say “yes,”  but myself and many others would say “no.”

My theory on this is based on my new-found belief that I have to cut myself some slack with this whole addiction-breaking thing.  I have been a food addict ever since I can remember (my first negative food memories go back to around age 7 or 8), so this condition is not likely to completely disappear any time soon.  This gives me plenty of time to hone my food plan and my healthy-eating behaviors.  In the meantime, I need to be gentle with myself, realistic with my food plan, and patient with my weight.

For years I tormented myself over not being able to be “perfectly on” any given diet or exercise regimen, only to fail at each and fall further away from my goals every time.  Now I have lots of little “tricks” that allow me to eat a little extra on different occasions – which is okay for me today.  In the past, I was not “allowed” this type of leeway.  Now I am.  Of course, there would be those in program who would argue that this is not a good idea because it goes against the whole concept that we addicts are different and that we need to embrace this difference in order to recover.  But as I say, I think this is true, but only to a point.  I would argue that conquering a food addiction is more closely related to getting rid of a character defect rather than getting rid of a drug addiction.  Why?  Because your character defects hang around long after you have made the decision to get rid of them.  For example, you can’t go “cold turkey” on following your food plan perfectly any more than you can do it with, say, not being selfish ever again.  If selfishness is a big part of your personality (as it is with most addicts), it is going to take a long period of reconditioning your mind (with what basically boils-down to the behavior modification techniques of the 12 Steps) before that part of you falls away.  Likewise, over time, you will become better and better at being abstinent the more you work the program – – which is why I am a strong believer in the idea that abstinence (when compared to sobriety) has much more to do with progress than perfection.

So try to focus on each day separately rather than on reaching a certain number of “perfectly abstinent” days in a row.  In time, that number will take care of itself, as long as you continue moving forward, and just focus on doing “the next right thing.”  Besides, all any of us really have is today, anyway.