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Choice vs. Punishment

This may seem like a small thing, but it has made a huge difference in my life…so I think it is well worth your while to spend some time meditating on this concept that took me 24 years to figure-out… ABSTINENCE  IS  A  CHOICE,  NOT  A  PUNISHMENT ! ! ! As both a child and a …Continue reading →

My Thin Evil Twin

In my entire 44-and-a-half years of life, the closest I ever got to my ideal weight was within 10 pounds in the summer of 1989, after a solid year of white-knuckling-it in program.  It lasted a 3 whole months.  And that was just enough time for me to meet… . . . MY THIN EVIL TWIN …Continue reading →

“When I am thin,…”

What did I think being thin was all about?  Why, Fame & Fortune, of course!  And men falling at my feet!  And no more problems of any kind!  No more conflicts with anyone!  And no more skin break-outs!  And no more unwanted body hair!  And looking like a playboy centerfold even when I am sleeping!  …Continue reading →

“…we will be amazed…”

Here are just a few definitions of the word “amazed” that I recently found online: …bewildered, greatly surprised, astonished, overwhelmed, awestruck, to be stunned by the greatness of a thing, tongue-tied, speechless,… I chose the ones that I thought best expressed my own sense of “amazement” at the magnitude of the conversion from hopelessness to …Continue reading →

“…before we are halfway through.”

For years in program, I thought that this part of the Big Book promises referred to being halfway through doing the steps (which would be at the end of Step 6).  But if you read this line within the context of the chapter it’s in and what is being discussed prior, it becomes clear that it …Continue reading →

Fat Clothes / Skinny Clothes

I have often heard it said that a good food addict has an entire closet-full of clothes that range from their smallest size to their largest size because they never know what size they are going to be from year to year (or sometimes, from month to month).  That was me.  I had everything from …Continue reading →

The Horror Of Pumping Gas

When I was in college, I was so emotionally crippled by my food addiction that I couldn’t even go out in public unless I was with someone.  I am not talking about agoraphobia here.  I was not afraid to leave the house.  I was afraid of being seen.  I was afraid of what people were …Continue reading →

My Earliest Binge Memory

Following is a description of my first compulsive overeating memory.  It is very early on a Saturday or Sunday morning and my parents are asleep.  I can’t remember being in my bed, what got me up, what I was thinking as I tip-toed to the fridge, or why I was craving what I ate.  I …Continue reading →

How I Became Abstinent (This Time)

For seven years (2002-2008), in addition to being a raging compulsive overeater, I was a raging workaholic and I stopped attending all OA meetings.  Sometimes I tried to restrain my compulsion to overeat, but as the stress at work grew, so did my size.  Not only did I eventually regain all of the 96 pounds I …Continue reading →

Summer Of The Measured Binges

WARNING!  BINGE FOODS MENTIONED HERE!! The summer after 11th grade, as I swam in the backyard pool, my mind was swimming with visions of a thin senior year.  As was my custom, I vowed some time during the last week of school to stick to a strict diet of carrot sticks and water for the entire …Continue reading →