“It’s Over”
About a year ago, I was sitting in the back of an AA meeting, just listening to a speaker, the same way I had been doing for many-a-Friday night, when the words, “IT’S OVER” flashed in my mind. My eyes were open, but I could “see” them as if I had my eyes closed and was trying hard to imagine them. Then, out of nowhere, I started crying. It was nothing that the speaker said, it was not my mood, and as far as I could tell, it was nothing that I did or experienced consciously. Tears rolled down my face and dripped onto my shirt. I was calm, not sobbing. Just kind of thinking, “hmmm, this is interesting…” It was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. Having spent decades battling depression and anxiety, I was half-expecting the feeling of panic or a barrage of negative thoughts to come flooding-in, but they never came. Someone next to me asked if I was okay. I just smiled and nodded. He pushed a box of tissues across the table towards me and thankfully left me to my thoughts. After the initial shock of these odd tears wore off, I started thinking about the words I had “seen.” “IT’S OVER.” “IT’S OVER.” I kept repeating that phrase to myself, and soon, a strong feeling of hope came over me. For a moment I tensed-up. After all, feeling hopeful has never been familiar territory for me, and I found it to actually be a bit frightening. But the complete thought finally broke-through the fear and sat in the middle of my mind, forcing me to have to deal with it. It was this: “I never have to overeat again! No more bingeing, no more hiding food in my car, no more waking-up to eat in the middle of the night, no more eating out of the garbage…it’s over. It’s over! It’s finally, really OVER!” This time when the tears came, I knew they were tears of joy. I was still afraid to dare hope that this idea was the truth, but somehow, deep down inside, I knew that it was.
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Sheryl:
Your writings are so powerful. I just was able to read some of it. It’s amazing how no one really knows what someone is going through and we tend to judge others (but don’t want to be judged ourselves). This is quite a quest you’ve been on. And you write so elequently! I feel like I’m reading a novel.
Marcia
Thanks, Marcia. Hope to have a few more articles up in the next few days. Please stop-by again!