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Not All 12-Step Meetings Are Created Equal

When you go to your first OA meeting, keep in mind that this particular meeting on this particular day is not at all a clear representation of what OA is about in general.  It is merely a very small glimpse of a very big picture.  This is why it is extremely important that all newcomers go to several different meetings, and each of those meetings more than once.  As with all types of support groups, these meetings are made up of people.  Some of these people you will love right off-the-bat, others you won’t.  Some you will never warm-up-to, and some you will always be happy to see.  The point is, be prepared for all the same types of human conflicts that you see everywhere else in the world.  Sometimes people have the mistaken idea that at 12-Step meetings, everyone is on his/her best behavior.  For the most part, this has been my experience.  But I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t met my share nasty, unfriendly, intolerant, self-absorbed people at meetings, too.  But think about it.  The people at these meetings are addicts just like you and I, so of course there is more than enough dysfunction to go around.  Although it would be nice if everyone was caught-up in the swiftly-flowing current of progressive recovery, that is not the case.  You will meet people in all stages (and non-stages) of recovery, and you will learn to recognize those who are working a strong program and those who are not.  The important thing is to keep an open mind about it all and to keep coming.  (Of course, a good sense of humor doesn’t hurt, either!)

It is so easy when we are new to program to use our judgements of others to keep us from our own recovery.  Give yourself the chance to experience the relief that can be yours by giving this program a fair hearing.  Go to a bunch of meetings with the attitude of a scientist collecting data.  Gather information and then make an informed decision as to which meeting is best for you.  Don’t like the one where the same people talk over and over again about the same seemingly irrelevant subjects with no time limits and no consideration for others who haven’t shared in weeks?  Go somewhere else.  Don’t like the one where no one welcomed you as a newcomer?  Go somewhere else.  Don’t like the one where they were overly friendly and ramming The 12 Steps down your throat?  Go somewhere else.  Remember: This is your recovery.  You need to take charge of it and find the meetings that will work for you.

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March 2, 2012 This post was written by Categories: I Wish Someone Had Told Me... Tagged with: • • • • • • • • •
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