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I “Forgot” My Weight!

Last week I experienced a true miracle I’d like to share.  But first,…some background.

Ever since I lost 75 pounds over a year ago, I have been asked to speak at several meetings, even though I still have almost the same amount of weight to lose.  This has always made me uncomfortable.  On the one hand, I’d feel obligated to say “yes,” since I wanted to give back to the program and do service by sharing my experience, strength and hope with others.  On the other hand, I’d feel that I was not a good enough example of how the program works because I am not at my goal weight, even though I have been in and out of program for over twenty years.  What kind of message does THAT send?

Fortunately, through working the program, my sense of responsibility has finally begun to outweigh my pride, so now I try to accept all my invitations to speak.  But part of me would still feel like a hypocrite.  Even in recovery, I was still struggling with the idea that my worth is determined by the number on the scale.  And yet, didn’t I always get words of wisdom from people with good spiritual recovery who are not yet at their goal weight?  Of course I did!  But for some reason, I could not cut myself the same slack.

To get over those feelings of guilt and shame, I would always start off my “story” with an explanation about why I still have so much more weight to lose.  Something to let everyone know – that I know – that I am still fat.  And I did this every single time I was the speaker.

Until last week!

I didn’t even know the topic I was going to be sharing-on and had decided to leave it all up to my Higher Power to give me the words that the people listening needed to hear.  And guess what happened?  I FORGOT to mention my little “disclaimer” about my weight at ALL!  In fact, it was so far removed from my mind that I didn’t even realize that I forgot about it until AFTER the meeting was over!!  ME!!, the person who has been obsessing about her weight and how she looks to others for literally DECADES, actually FORGOT about her weight while talking in front of a group of people!! 

Now if that’s not a miracle, I don’t know WHAT is!!

 

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May 19, 2012 This post was written by Categories: On-Going Victories Tagged with: • • • •
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