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“ONLY one pound?!” – Pt. 2

After writing “Only ONE pound?!,” I realized that, if I said that same sentence with the emphasis on the first word rather than on the second (“ONLY one pound?!”), then I would have the opposite side of the same coin.  If I got on that same scale and GAINED a pound rahter than LOST a pound, I would STILL have a really tough time getting it out of my mind!  Even with a minuscule one-pound gain, I used to fixate on it.  It wasn’t so much the pound, itself, as it was the fact that the numbers were starting to go up!  So, one pound might as well have been 10 or 20 pounds because, in my mind, it was all the same – proof that I was just as big and fat and ugly and lazy and stupid as I thought I was.  Now imagine doing that to yourself (by getting on the scale) 3 or 4 times every DAY!  Thankfully, nowadays, I only weigh myself with my counselor about once every other month.  This is great because she always has nice things to say to me in these times of “crisis,” like: “That could just be water weight,” or, “Have you been exercising?  Maybe you are gaining muscle, ” or, “Maybe you have hit a plateau.”  Period.  End of the weight discussion and on to other topics.  Nothing about me being a worthless person.  Time to keep moving forward.

In the past, this tiny little pound, which could just be nothing more than a normal fluctuation having nothing to do with overeating, would have been my green light to go, GO, GO! and eat, EAT, EAT!  Even just staying the same, especially after 8 weeks of following an abstinent food plan, would have been WAY more than enough for me to call it quits.  But now, because I am finally working a spiritually-based program and sanity is starting to enter my way of thinking, I understand that the number on the scale is nothing more than a tool.  It is something that helps me decide if I need to make changes to my food plan.  It is no-longer my “morality-meter.”  Thank you, GOD!

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April 21, 2012 This post was written by Categories: Leftovers Tagged with: • • • • • • •
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