The concept behind this first step is definitely not difficult to grasp.  When we decide to do the steps, it is usually only out of a feeling of desperation.  Most “newbies” already feel powerless over their addictions when they walk through the doors, otherwise they wouldn’t be there.  The hard part is the action associated with this step.  That action in AA is to give-up drinking.  In OA, that action is creating and sticking-to a food plan.  Either way, the way we express our willingness to continue with the rest of the steps is by abstaining from our drug of choice.  This is why finding a “food sponsor” quickly is so important.  Food sponsors are an invaluable resource at this time of fighting-off cravings, experimenting with portion sizes and binge foods, and being accountable for our new commitment to a healthier relationship with food.  This is also the perfect time to start developing a support system.  Most people in program, whether they are your sponsor or not, are more than happy to take calls and emails if you are having trouble sticking to your plan between meetings.  Most OA meetings pass around contact lists – if a person’s information is there, you are free to take it and add that person to your support network.

What about a Higher Power?  Well, at this point, most people in program will tell you to “fake it ’til you make it.”  You do this by simply getting on your knees in the morning and asking the God of your understanding for the ability to stick to your new guidelines, and then getting on your knees again at night and thanking Him for the help He gave you.  Whether or not you even have a Higher Power in mind when you do this has no effect on the process.  The point is to just take this suggestion and “pretend” that you believe.  I know, it sounds crazy, but it works.  When I came into program I didn’t believe in any type of God, but several people said, “Do you believe that I believe it works for me?  Then just try it.  It will work for you, too.”

There are those in program who will argue that it is doing the steps that leads you to the ability to give-up your drug of choice.  They would probably site the fact that The Promises of the program are located half-way through Step 9, meaning that you would have to have completed at least steps 1-8 before you see any real recovery.  However, myself and many others don’t hold to this view. One of the most important and rewarding things you will ever do for yourself is going to be writing-out your 4th step.  Nothing in my life has been as important to me as this.  Had I tried to do this life-changing step while bingeing, I feel certain that the results would not have been nearly as profound.  I think you are doing a huge disservice to yourself by NOT getting “clean” at the outset.  Even if your first version of abstinence is merely a list of foods you are giving-up because they cause you to binge, or just the elimination of a few triggers (such as eating in the middle of the night, eating in the car, and eating in-secret), at least it is a beginning – – and a beginning is all that is needed.  The point is to get some feeling of control and confidence under your belt.  After that, you will see the true “magic” of the program in action: the longer you go to meetings and the closer you get to your Higher Power, the more you will want the type of recovery you see in those who are working a more sophisticated program, which in turn will motivate you to work the program harder.  It will come naturally – you won’t even have to force it, as long as you keep coming and keep trying.

So take some time to make some food guidelines for yourself (or ask a fellow member with some good recovery to help you create a food plan), tell someone what you want to do, and start doing it.

P.S. – – I have personally found that doing the steps with a “step sponsor” was much more productive than doing them either alone or with a food sponsor.  If you can get involved with a Big Book Step Study meeting and find a sponsor there to guide you through the steps INDEPENDENT from the work you are doing with your food sponsor, I highly recommend doing so.

For whatever reason, my entire life was spent cowering beneath the shadow of the belief that I was a “bad” person because I could not control the amount of food I ate.  It shaped my personality, formed my behavior patterns, dictated what I could and could not do, strangled my sense of self, and stripped away my self-esteem.  I come from a loving family, I never wanted for anything, and I always felt loved and supported by my parents and relatives, so what was the problem?  In the end, my sense of self-loathing was so bad that I actually convinced myself that the only reason why my parents “acted” like they loved me was because they “had to,” since they were my parents.  Same with relatives.  And friends?  Well, surely they felt sorry for me and were just being “nice.”

What a sad way to live.  Sometimes even now when I look back on all those wasted years I feel sad, but the good news is that I have finally escaped it all.  Some people (MANY people) never get that far.  It may have taken me until the age of 42, but at least I got out!

What is extremely important to take away from this post is the idea that compulsive overeating is a legitimate disease that has three components: a physical allergy, a mental obsession, and a spiritual sickness.  You can read all about this in The Big Book (see the “12-Step Links” at the top of this page if interested), but the bottom line is that it is not your fault that you have this disease, any more than it would be your fault had you been born deaf or if you were diagnosed with cancer.  The sooner you can accept this fact, the better off you will be.

You will eventually hear in the halls of OA that all addicts have “built-in forgetters” when it comes to recovery, meaning that we constantly need to be re-reminded why we ever decided to fight this battle in the first place.  By reading The Promises on a regular basis, not only does it train our minds to focus on something positive for a change, but it helps us to combat this pesky forgetfulness and reminds us that the battle is indeed worth the fight.  So in times of doubt, temptation, or despair, give this a try: find a quiet place to sit or lie down and read The Promises to yourself, really thinking about each.  Imagine what it would mean to you, personally, if each came true – how each would change your life in another positive way.  Try to picture what living that new “promised” life would be like.  You will be surprised how just a few minutes of this will lift your spirits just enough to get your butt back out on that battlefield.

I also find it very helpful to keep my measuring cups and spoons handy.  For me this means that they stay on the window sill above my kitchen sink.  I also make sure I have a spare set of measuring cups and spoons, just in case the ones I need are dirty.  Nothing will discourage the use of measuring cups and spoons like not being able to find them when you need them.  Plus, before I leave the house in the morning, I make sure that all the pans and utensils that I need to prepare my dinner meal are clean and ready to go.  I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to come home from a long day, hungry, tired, and ready to cook, only to find that everything I need to do it is sitting in the dishwasher, dirty, because I forgot to turn it on.  Finally, I also find it helpful to prepare for long car rides.  I like to bring fruit with me.  It doesn’t “feel” like the food I used to binge on in my car during my days as an active food addict, so it doesn’t “set me off,” but it takes the edge off just enough to get me safely and sanely to my next meal without that ravenous feeling.

By taking the time to consistantly do these few simple things, you will be helping yourself stay abstient for the long haul.  And that’s the whole point.

The other thing I’d like to just throw out there is the reason behind all this measuring.  I think it makes a lot of sense to look at all of it as a metaphor for us trying to “measure” our self-worth.  We desperately want those numbers to “prove” to us that we are “good enough.”  To tell us what we do not believe about ourselves on our own.  Why else would are moods be so closely tied-in to those numbers?  Ever notice how the amount on the scale or which pair of jeans you can squeeze into can determine the kind of day you’re going to have?  That is just the type of nonsense that has to be corrected.  Until we can get to that place where we just “know” we are fine the way we are, we will never be able to conquer our addiction.

The good news?  The 12 Steps are designed to help you do just that.

When you first arrive.  There are usually people who purposely go to meetings early so they can hang-out and chat with people they know, and hopefully greet newcomers.  If no one approaches you, don’t be offended.  Some groups are stronger in this area than others.  Just have a seat, relax, and say a little prayer that you have the willingness to listen with an open mind.

Opening remarks.  Most meetings are called-to-order in some way at exactly the time scheduled.  There is a lot of emphasis in program about the importance of discipline, and this includes being on-time.  There will usually be a “leader” or “chairperson” facing the group and reading from some type of written format.  The meeting is then either turned-over to the guest speaker, or a discussion topic is chosen and people raise their hands to share on it.

Your role.  Some meetings ask newcomers to raise their hands and introduce themselves by giving their first name only.  If you are not comfortable doing this, you don’t have to raise your hand.  Other meetings go around the room and have everyone state their first name and their addiction, such as “Hi, may name is Sheryl and I’m a food addict.”  Or the “lazy-man’s version,” “Sheryl, food addict.”   The group would then respond, “Hi, Sheryl.”  Again, if you are not comfortable doing this, simply say “pass” and no one will think twice about it.  Some groups don’t do personal introductions at all.  If you are at a meeting where people take turns reading and you don’t want to do that, again, simply say “pass” when it is your turn and they will skip over you.  Occasionally the chairperson will randomly call-on people to share, but they usually only choose people they know and it is done more out of playfulness than anything else.  I have never seen anyone put a newcomer on the stop like that.  But even if that DID happen, just say “pass” and they will call on someone else.  (In other words, your fear of public speaking is NOT an excuse to stay home!)  Also, in many OA meetings (I have not seen this at AA), a contact list is passed around.  If someone’s name and contact information is on the list, that means they are willing to receive phonecalls from people who need help between meetings, so you can copy down this information.  If you want to receive calls, add your name and information to the list.  If you are not comfortable with this, simply pass the list to the next person.

The Seventh Tradition:  Tradition #7 states that all meetings are to be “self-supporting through their own contributions” (click on “The 12 & 12″ at the top of this page to see the short version of the traditions, if interested).  Thus, a basket is passed to collect money to pay the rent, to purchase books for members to buy, and to send to the main office so they have money for the printing of approved literature and the maintenance of the official website and service center,…  No one at the meeting is keeping that money for themselves.

Break-time.  Food addicts BEWARE!  If you go to “open” * AA meetings for support like I do (even though I don’t drink), you are pretty-much guaranteed to be in the presence of…<gasp!>… sweet treats!  And not just at break-time!  Members of many anonymous groups pass around bags of sweets during the meeting, as well.  Personally, I was pretty-much a “closet-eater,” so this doesn’t really bother me.  (Me?!  Eat “bad” food in PUBLIC?!  NEV-er!)  But if you are newly abstinent and feel that just being around sugary snacks could cause you to “slip” off your food plan, you should probably stick with OA meetings, at least for a while.  Almost all anonymous meetings serve coffee, but you will never see food being served at OA.

Closing.  At the end of the meeting, everyone forms a circle by holding hands.  Then a prayer is said aloud by all who wish to join-in.  If this offends you for some reason, you can join the circle but remain silent or you can simply leave early.  Just don’t let this stop you from coming back.

* FYI – “open” meetings mean anyone is welcome, “closed” meetings are for those with that particular addiction ONLY.  Always check your local meeting list (available through each Anonymous program’s website) before walking-into meetings that are new to you. 

Once the alcoholic has made the decision not to drink, he never has to touch alcohol again.  He can follow this rule “perfectly.”  But the food addict still has to eat – – daily, and at least three times per day.  That gives the food addict plenty of opportunities to “mess-up.”  What if you absent-mindedly lick the spoon while you are cooking?  What if you are asked to “taste” something and you do it out of habit?  What if you “feel like” you ate too much at a restaurant?  What if you think that the portion sizes you had at that family gathering seemed a little larger than usual because you were too embarrassed to whip-out your measuring cups?  Do these things mean that you have “broken” your abstinence?  Some people would say “yes,”  but myself and many others would say “no.”

My theory on this is based on my new-found belief that I have to cut myself some slack with this whole addiction-breaking thing.  I have been a food addict ever since I can remember (my first negative food memories go back to around age 7 or 8), so this condition is not likely to completely disappear any time soon.  This gives me plenty of time to hone my food plan and my healthy-eating behaviors.  In the meantime, I need to be gentle with myself, realistic with my food plan, and patient with my weight.

For years I tormented myself over not being able to be “perfectly on” any given diet or exercise regimen, only to fail at each and fall further away from my goals every time.  Now I have lots of little “tricks” that allow me to eat a little extra on different occasions – which is okay for me today.  In the past, I was not “allowed” this type of leeway.  Now I am.  Of course, there would be those in program who would argue that this is not a good idea because it goes against the whole concept that we addicts are different and that we need to embrace this difference in order to recover.  But as I say, I think this is true, but only to a point.  I would argue that conquering a food addiction is more closely related to getting rid of a character defect rather than getting rid of a drug addiction.  Why?  Because your character defects hang around long after you have made the decision to get rid of them.  For example, you can’t go “cold turkey” on following your food plan perfectly any more than you can do it with, say, not being selfish ever again.  If selfishness is a big part of your personality (as it is with most addicts), it is going to take a long period of reconditioning your mind (with what basically boils-down to the behavior modification techniques of the 12 Steps) before that part of you falls away.  Likewise, over time, you will become better and better at being abstinent the more you work the program – – which is why I am a strong believer in the idea that abstinence (when compared to sobriety) has much more to do with progress than perfection.

So try to focus on each day separately rather than on reaching a certain number of “perfectly abstinent” days in a row.  In time, that number will take care of itself, as long as you continue moving forward, and just focus on doing “the next right thing.”  Besides, all any of us really have is today, anyway.

Although counting days and getting medallions is a wonderful way to celebrate days of sobriety in AA, in my experience, it is not such a good idea in OA.  My first time around in program, getting that one-year medallion meant everything to me.  Every day I would mark-off another day of abstinence on my calendar.  I had a big star drawn on my one-year anniversary date, and as that glorious day approached, I started the big count-down and would talk about it to anyone who would listen.  When the day finally arrived, I got my medallion and was scheduled to be the guest speaker at my home meeting the following week.  The day before my “victory speech,” I caved-in to the temptation of half-priced Halloween candy and binged my brains out.  The next evening, I sat in my car outside the meeting, sobbing.  I wanted so badly to go in there and lie and act like nothing ever happened, but I knew I couldn’t.  And yet, the idea of starting all over again at day “one”  was devastating to me.  The time to go in came and went and there I sat.  Finally, I drove away…and didn’t go back for at least 2 years.  I think I repeated variations of this same theme about five different times over my 24 years in and out of program.  This is why the whole counting-days-thing leaves such a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.

During this, my latest (and longest) stretch of abstinence, I have decided not to count specific days, although I know that I got “clean” some time in the beginning of February, 2010.  I use this information to keep track of years rather than days.  In fact, I just recently decided to choose a specific anniversary date, so I asked my favorite AA “old-timer” if I could use his sobriety date, and he graciously agreed.  But keep in mind that this was well into my second year of abstinence, and by that point, I really felt that I was in no danger of going back to that all-consuming obsession with the numbers of my disease.  Today, for me, it’s all about THIS 24-hours.

REMINDER: All of this is just my opinion, based upon my limited experience.  If counting days is working for you, keep it up!

The 12 Steps help addicts to understand that their addicton is a disease, to uncover and get-rid-of the underlying issues causing them to use, to learn to depend upon a Higher Power for guidance with all aspects of life, and to reach-out to other addicts.  They have helped millions of people all over the world recover from every form of addiction from food to alcohol, from smoking to gambling.  When followed exactly, they WILL work for you, too.