Diary of a Food-Fighter » creative visualization

“STOP IT!!”

Sheryl — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 21:43:46 +0000

I used to view my negative thought patterns in much the same way I viewed my eating disorder: as something that was beyond my control. Now, for the first time in my life, I am realizing that there are no “good” or “bad” thoughts/feelings, just as there are no “good” or “bad” foods – – there is just a series of healthy or unhealthy choices in both eating and thinking.

Whether I “meditate upon” negative thoughts or positive thoughts, that has no baring on my value as a person. Same with my food choices. But the TRUTH of the matter is that the positive/healthy thoughts (or foods or behaviors or feelings,…) are the ones that make me feel BETTER about myself and therefore, they are the ones that will lead me to a more enjoyable way of life. They will not make me “good,” but they WILL make me HAPPY!

So why not do what I do now? If you find yourself dwelling on things that make you feel bad, just yell to yourself, “STOP IT!” And then change the picture in your mind. I like to imagine this happening the same way a channel changes on my television when I press a button on the remote control.

In the beginning it seemed like I was doing this a million times a day. Now I think its down to only a couple-hundred times. (Remember: It’s all about progress, not perfection, right?)

So give it a try. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

My Cure For ‘Skatter-Brain’

Sheryl — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 14:52:00 +0000

The best way I have found to date for quieting down my brain is not at all I expected it would be. I was having lots of trouble “emptying” my mind, supposedly so I could meditate, but I never got that far. To me, that task was so difficult that after several days, I was actually dreading it. (Something tells me that’s NOT the way I am supposed to be feeling about my meditation time!) Then, early one morning, purely by chance, I was flipping channels and accidentally stumbled upon a beautiful nature scene accompanied by soothing music. At first I thought it must be one of those music channels that plays all day long like a radio. But after a couple moments, a Bible verse displayed on the screen, then faded, then another nature scene, then another Bible verse, then another, then another song, and a different nature shot, and a different Bible verse,… I looked at the guide and found that I was on the Daystar Network (a Christian channel) and that I was watching a show called “Reflections.” I put the program back on and soon discovered that this show didn’t even show any commercials for a solid half-hour! Since I had been struggling to work up to 10 minutes with my mind-emptying technique, I told myself that I would just watch this show for 10 minutes and see what happened. I lay down on the couch, took a few deep breaths, and then just naturally seemed to focus on each of the different aspects of what I was watching – – first the music, then the scenery, then the Bible words, then the meaning of those words, then I’ d start over, without even thinking about it. Before I knew it, the show was over! I had done an entire half-hour without even realizing it! Now I try to do it every day. “Reflections” actually comes on several times daily, so I usually manage to get-in at least one half-hour session per day. (There have even been a few times when I actually did two in a row!) I have since spoken with many people in program who have explained to me that this is a legitimate form of meditation – just a different type than the clearing-my-mind thing. The reason this works so well for me is that it doesn’t completely empty my mind, but rather, it re-focuses it on positive, calming things. So for that 30 or 60 minutes of my day, I am completely absorbed in sights, sounds, and ideas that give me the much-needed feeling of peace and contentment that we all need to get our day moving in the right direct. So give it a try! You just may find that you like it! And more importantly, that you CAN do it!

The Dream Of Dreams

Sheryl — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 14:50:34 +0000

Several months ago, while I was watching “Reflections” on the Daystar network (my favorite form of morning meditation), I dozed-off in front of the television and had the following vivid dream. Now, whenever I feel overwhelmed or down-hearted, I picture this scene and it always calms me down. I hope it does the same for you.

I am hurrying away from a small picturesque cottage in a place like the Irish countryside – – lush green rolling hills and bright blue skies with puffy white clouds. I want to take-in the beautiful surroundings, but I have just been given some type of upsetting news and for some reason, it is imperative that I get over the long sloping hill right in front of me as soon as possible. I start my trek up the hill, making my way around the large white stones and meandering stream rippling through the green slope. I keep my head down as I go, worried that it is taking too long, but I am relieved to see that I am nearing the peak. I feel certain that as soon as I can get over the top, I will be very close to my destination. As I approach it, the slope gets steeper, but I continue on. Finally I am able to see beyond the hill I am on, but all that stretches before me are more and more hills. A feeling on panic rushes over me and I drop to my knees, hysterically crying. Out of desperation, I raise my hands and face to the sky and cry-out, “God, please help me! I get it now! I finally get it! I was supposed to do it your way! I get it now! I really do!” Then I collapse onto the ground, sobbing. The scene suddenly changes and I am once again on the same lush green slope with the same white stones and the same meandering stream, but this time I am easily striding down the slope. I am almost singing I am so happy, and I am now able to take-in the breathtaking view that is all around me as I say out loud, “God, thank You, thank You, THANK You! I KNEW your way would be easier! I just KNEW it!” Whatever had been weighing on my mind is gone. I don’t even know where I am supposed to be going, but somehow I know I am going the right way. As I am going along, I happen to glance down and see a large mason jar half-buried in the soil between the rocks and the stream. I bend down to look at it and it is filled to the top with silver coins about six inches in diameter that are so perfect and shiny that they look like they are made out of mercury. I reach my hand into the mouth of the jar and lift out a stack of coins. I am conveniently wearing some type of loose-fitting jacket with inside pockets. I fill the first pocket with the stack of coins and reach for another, only to find that the jar is again filled to the top. I take another handful, put it into the other inside pocket, and happily continue on my way down the beautiful, peaceful slope.

What is “prayer?”

Sheryl — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 00:53:04 +0000

When I first started-out on my “spiritual quest,” I thought that prayer meant what I did when I got on my knees beside my bed and recited something I had memorized in CCD class but barely understood. Wrong! I have since learned that it is what I do any time that I talk to God in my mind, no matter what my body is doing, no matter where I am, no matter what is going on around me, and no matter how simple the words are. To me, this made the whole idea of seeking to make conscious contact with my Higher Power a whole lot more do-able. Although I do like to get on my knees each morning and ask God to help me stay abstinent another day and then thank Him for another day of abstinence the same way every night, I don’t feel like that is the only way I can talk to Him. I just find that, as many in program have found, the act of kneeling reinforces the idea of humility. But that does not mean that it is the only way it works. Since, like many in program, I think of my Higher Power as an all-powerful being, I believe it is safe to assume that He does not require certain conditions in order to be able to hear me. He is everywhere, including inside of me (just as your Higher Power is inside of you). If we reach out to Him, He will always be there…for ALL of us…no matter how we do it.

The White Tiger

Sheryl — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 20:40:33 +0000

The first time I tried Creative Visualization, I had very low expectations. After all, I had been trying for weeks to do five minutes of “quieting my mind”-type meditation daily and had repeatedly failed. Every 30 seconds I would open my eyes and peek at the clock, wondering why time suddenly seemed to be standing still. I had heard many people in program share that they had a tough time with meditation, and soon I had myself convinced that I’d never “get it.” (Even when you get to Step 11, you still have to deal with your own “stinkin’ thinkin’!”) As with most problems that come-up in step work, I found a solution by talking it out with others in the program. When several different people explained to me that any type of conscious contact with my Higher Power could be considered a form of meditation, I at least had hope. Finally, a couple different people shared with me how they would simply close their eyes and just try to “see” what their Higher Power looked like. If nothing came to mind, they would pull-up an image of God they may have had in childhood, or a description of Him that they got from a book or a movie. That sounded a lot easier to me than completely clearing my mind, and it at least got me thinking in a positive direction. Soon afterwards, someone else told me that they added-in the idea of “guiding” their meditation by talking to themselves throughout the process, saying things like, “if I could choose any Higher Power I want, then mine would be more like a friend than a ruler,” or, “mine would be a woman, not a man, ” or ” mine would be able to become different things, like animals or forces in nature, depending upon what I need Him to be…” Having a creative slant to my personality, this appealed me, so I tried it. But as I said, it was with very low expectations. I didn’t even bother getting comfortable. I just shut my bedroom door, perched on the edge of my bed, and closed my eyes. Then I said to myself something like this: “Fine, I’ll try this. But only for five minutes. How do I picture God? I have no idea. But since I recently made the decision to become a Christian, I guess I should try picturing Jesus. Okay. But which Jesus? There are so many to choose from…” I started going through all the images of Jesus that I had seen over the years, but in the end I chose my favorite one, which was based on the artwork of artist Stephen Sawyer (see “Inspirational Links” if interested). His Jesus is more rugged and healthy-looking than a lot of the images I remembered, and I found that portrayal to be most in-keeping with my need for a Higher Power that is strong and, well,… “powerful!” I started to focus on this Jesus, picturing what He might be wearing, what He might be doing, where He might be, where I was in relation to Him,…

Following is a description of the “scene” that came to me on this very first try…

Jesus is walking slowly along a dew-covered carpet of lush green grass in the golden light of dawn. The silhouettes of exotic plants and trees can be seen in the misty distance. His sandaled feet make soft swishing sounds as He goes. He is wearing white robes with a red sash, His hair and beard are dark, His skin tanned, His hands in front of His waist, the tips of the fingers on one hand lightly pressing the tips on the other. I am walking beside Him, also wearing robes and sandals, and He is talking to me the whole time, but I can’t hear anything He is saying. I just know that He is talking, and that I am understanding everything. I am completely engaged and content. He has a calming effect on me. He is telling me all about the animals He created, and why He made them the way He did. At the mention of a white tiger, the giant animal steps out from behind a large grouping of bushes. It smiles at Him. He stops and bends down to pat its head, and He motions me to do the same. I am expecting the tiger to feel damp, but it is dry and soft, like the way my dog feels when he is fresh from the groomer’s.

I opened my eyes. Fifteen minutes had gone by.

EPILOGUE: A few weeks after I had this experience, I told my counselor about it. Because the white tiger was such a specific animal, she suggested that it might be fun to look-up the spiritual symbolism of white tigers. I did just that and found out that it represented creative energy. If the white tiger that you “saw” was frightening to you, then it would mean that you are supposed to refrain from pursuing your creative interest. If it seemed friendly, then that was the sign to continue on. Since I had just started working on my idea for a children’s book at the time, and since the white tiger was smiling, I am going to take this whole thing as my green-light to keep on going!

May The Force Be With You!

Sheryl — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 20:52:18 +0000

One of my favorite tricks that just “came to me” one day is the idea of picturing a force field around myself that protects me from grabbing extra food. (I put the words came to me in quotes because I know I didn’t come up with this on my own – – I really believe that it was a gift from my Higher Power.) I just pictured scribbly yellow lines all around me, as if I was on video and someone took a yellow crayon and made short back-and-forth yellow lines all around me and these stayed with me no matter how I moved or where I went. The more I used this image and found that it helped me, the more I added to it. First I decided that it’s “superpower” was that it only let foods and amounts that were on my food plan to penetrate. Next I decided that it would work on “food thoughts” the same way. This yellow force field kept healthy eating thoughts in my mind, but didn’t let “bad” ones get through to me. Finally, I added a “super-zapper” that has a devastating effect on those “temptation vibes,” as I call them, that certain foods emit. I imagine that I have a special red button that I can press in my mind that acts the same way that extra super-power button on the old arcade game “Tempest” did – – it destroys every negative thing in sight. Sound ridiculous? It is. Does it work? You betcha! Try it and see!