What you are seeking here is a spiritual energy source that you can tap-into which is bigger than you, stronger than you, and better than you, since YOU are the problem!  (Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but…aren’t you?)  What you need to conquer your addiction is POWER, not self-knowledge and not self-propulsion (a.k.a. “willpower”).  By the time we have made it to our first 12-step meeting, we addicts have usually proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that those two things are utterly useless to us without the POWER (or the ABILITY – we never seemed to be “able”) to actually put them to use.

Your mission?  Find yourself a Higher Power…ANY Higher Power…TODAY!

You will eventually hear in the halls of OA that all addicts have “built-in forgetters” when it comes to recovery, meaning that we constantly need to be re-reminded why we ever decided to fight this battle in the first place.  By reading The Promises on a regular basis, not only does it train our minds to focus on something positive for a change, but it helps us to combat this pesky forgetfulness and reminds us that the battle is indeed worth the fight.  So in times of doubt, temptation, or despair, give this a try: find a quiet place to sit or lie down and read The Promises to yourself, really thinking about each.  Imagine what it would mean to you, personally, if each came true – how each would change your life in another positive way.  Try to picture what living that new “promised” life would be like.  You will be surprised how just a few minutes of this will lift your spirits just enough to get your butt back out on that battlefield.

It has been my experience that the majority of the members of 12-Step groups believe in the saying, “once an addict, always an addict.”  (Or, sometimes they put it this way: “You can’t change a pickle back into a cucumber!”)  They will usually use the analogy of having an allergy: when you put a substance that you are allergic to into your system, you have a reaction.  When you remove that substance, the reaction goes away, but you still have the allergy.  These are the people who will tell you that no matter how long they are in program and no matter how well they “work it,” they will never actually fully “recover” – – they will always be in a process of “recovering.”   Others in program agree with the allergy metaphor regarding physical recovery, but they believe that, by doing the the 12-steps, they have actually fully “recovered” because the insanity of continually ingesting substances that cause them pain has been removed.  They would argue that they have finally “fixed” the soul-sickness that was causing their desperate need to seek comfort in their “drug of choice” rather than in a Higher Power. They will also usually site the cover-page of the Big Book which states that the pages to follow will tell “The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism.”  A less popular view that I hear from time-to-time is the idea that, by virtue of the fact that a person will no longer even consider taking a drink shows that they have been “restored to sanity,” and therefore, that they have been “cured” of their alcoholic condition.  However, since even this group of 12-Steppers would agree that by re-introducing your drug of choice back into your body, you are re-activating a physical allergy, this third point of view, in my opinion, is much less convincing than either of the others.

To me, all of this jibber-jabber all comes down to personal belief.  At different times in my recovery, I have felt different ways about this argument.  To be quite honest, I don’t think one is any better or more correct than the others.  All adhere to the basic principle that it is the ongoing process of continually seeking to improve your relationship with your Higher Power that is going to keep you abstinent/sober.  So it’s not like, if you believe you “have recovered” or that you are “cured” you can stop working the principles of the program, cut yourself off from your Higher Power, and hope to stay “clean” on your own because you are “all better now.”  In the end, all of these ideas are just different ways of looking at the same miracle of recovery that is available to all who are willing to follow a few “simple but not easy” steps.

Although there are obviously many different types of food plans, there are a few things that most of the good ones have in common:

A list of “binge foods” to avoid.  In my opinion, this is the most important part of your food plan.  It also is the most difficult to come to terms with, IF you are trying to do it without the help of your Higher Power. (Luckily, in program, this is not the case).  Unfortunately, unless you are on a food plan for medical reasons, it will take some time for you to experiment in order to find what works for you, but it is well-worth the time and effort.  For example, in the beginning, because I knew I could not control the amount of chocolate I ate, I knew had to give it up.  But did that mean I couldn’t have anything that was chocolate flavored?  How about sugar-free chocolate?  Over the years I have learned that, for me, it is just so much easier to eliminate all forms of chocolate.  But that’s just me.  Another example is potato chips.  I have never been able to eat “just one.”  But what about popcorn?  Or nuts?  They’re healthy, right?  Not if you eat the whole jar or can, they’re not!  Through trial, error, a whole-lot of praying, and a whole-lot of pig-headedness, I came to the same conclusion with all of these…for me, it is just easier not to eat any salty snacks or any nuts at all.  You will also hear many people in OA talk about how they have given-up sugar and flour.  At first glance, this may seem like an impossible tasks, since that would eliminate almost every form of bread, pasta, cereal, and dessert.  But again, if you seek the help of your Higher Power, you just may discover (as I did) that, once you get through the withdrawal symptoms (which last about 2 weeks), you no longer have any physical cravings for these things, which makes staying abstinent a whole lot easier.  There are also degrees of “no sugar/no flour” eating.  Some people read the labels of every single bite they put into their mouths, never putting any form of these two things into their systems.  At restaurants they make sure these items are not in the ingredient lists.  They may even call ahead when dining out to be sure sugar/flour-free foods are available.  Personally, I don’t do any of that.  In fact, I allow myself to eat “breaded” items and some salad dressings that contain sugar, even though I do consider myself to be on a no sugar/no flour plan.  My rule of thumb is this: if I can’t stop eating it, I can’t have it.  So far, so good on these two items.  Other than that, I have not eaten bread or pasta in over 2 years and I don’t miss them at all.  And YOU can do the same, if that appeals to you!  But you need to go slow, and you need the help of your Higher Power in order to do it.  Ask Him/Her/It for help, and then get rid of the one food item that you have the most difficulty controlling and see what happens.  Try not having it for JUST ONE DAY.  Commit to your sponsor (or someone else in program if you don’t have one yet) what you are doing – this will make you accountable.  Then try another day.  And another…  See if you can make it to two weeks, if for no other reason than to see if you can feel a difference in the intensity of your cravings after the withdrawal period has passed.  (Reminds me of a program saying that goes something like this: “If you are not completely satisfied with recovery, you can always have your misery back.”)  Then, if you want to try eating a controlled amount of that food, go ahead and try it.  Do you start obsessing over eating it all over again?  Do you binge on it right away?  If so, this is probably something you would be better-off eliminating entirely.  If not, it can probably stay, in controlled amounts.  Ask your Higher Power what He/She/It thinks.  You WILL get an answer.

A list of eating behaviors to avoid.  As all food addicts are well-aware, there are certain behaviors that just “set-us-off.”  For example, maybe eating fast food triggers you to eat too much.  Maybe eating in your car does.  (For me it was both.)  How about waking up in the middle of the night to eat?  (I think that was the absolute worst one for me!)  Or hiding food around the house?  Or eating items out of the freezer that were not meant to be eaten frozen?  Or eating out of the garbage?  Or vomiting, using laxatives, or over-exercising to compensate for bingeing?  Or, or, OR!  You get the idea.  All good food addicts have a few (if not all) of these skeletons in their closets.  Make a list  of these behaviors and take a good, hard look at all of them.  Then, with he help of your Higher Power, eliminate that one, most-bothersome behavior, JUST FOR TODAY, the same way you did with that one food item.  Again, commit this decision to someone in program.  For me, I had to give-up eating in my car and all fast food drive-thrus for quite some time.  Now, however, I am able to do those things occasionally, but I have a list of specific items that I can order and I now recognize that there is something very unsatisfying about not eating at a table.  It is a true miracle…I actually RATHER NOT eat in the car nowadays, whereas before, I couldn’t stop!  And that horrible night-eating thing is gone, too!  I will NEVER miss the nightmares and the early morning indigestion THAT would cause!

A description of the portion sizes you are allowing yourself.  Whether you use measuring cups, a food scale, “scoops”, “bags,” “half-a can,” “one piece,” the amount that fits on your plate, or the serving you are given at a restaurant, you are going to need some guidelines here, since most compulsive overeaters have problems with quantity.  As with all the other topics listed above, there are those who are loose about measuring, and those who take it to the extreme.  Some OA’s bring their measuring cups to restaurants with them.  Others refuse to go out to eat at all because serving sizes in restaurants are almost always bigger than what a measured portion would be at home.  Still others ask their waiters to split the meal in half before it comes out (so they are not tempted to keep eating) and take the rest home in a doggie bag for another meal.  For me, if I am at home, I use measuring cups (but not a food scale – – too many bad memories!).  When I am at a restaurant, I allow myself to eat the amount that is put in front of me.  (Ironically, since I have given myself permission to do that, there have been many times in the past 2 years that I have decided NOT to finish it!  Now if THAT’S not a miracle, I don’t know WHAT is!).  But when I am eating at someone else’s house or at family-style/buffet-type restaurant, I don’t measure with cups, but I do try to eye-ball what looks “right.”  I have actually started to develop a “gut-feeling” about what that amount is for me.  If I get a twinge of a sick feeling inside, I put some back.  That feeling usually gives me just enough time to remind myself that the extra mouthful or two is no longer worth my peace of mind.

A statement of how many times per day you can eat.  Many people in program follow the “old-school” approach of eating “three balanced, moderate meals a day with nothing in-between except coffee, tea, or low-cal drinks.”  The latest OA view on food plans, however, leaves them up to the individual.  Personally, I need the flexibility to eat snacks.  Besides a greater emphasis on spirituality, this was probably the most important difference in my recovery this time around.  And it is no coincidence that this is the time that I have been able to, not only maintain a 75 pound weight loss, but to do so for a year…even though I am not at my goal weight! That means that I have been following a food plan for over a YEAR even though I have not lost any more weight!  That is HUGE for me!  In the past, why would I even BOTHER?!  But this time, because I stay connected to my Higher Power, and because my snacks take away that feeling of deprivation/punishment that I always associated with “dieting,” I have been able to stay on my plan, “one day at a time”…for over 2 YEARS!  I eat every 3 to 4 hours and I never get hungry!

A plan of action for the times you go off track.  The best piece of advice I ever got in Overeaters Anonymous came from my latest sponsor.  Back in 2009, when I was just starting out on my current food plan, I overate at a meal and called her in a panic.  She said, “The first 24 hours are the most important.  The first thing you need to do is continue on your food plan.  Do NOT cut out any food that you still have left to eat for today.  That just starts-up that whole cycle of feeling deprived and punishing yourself.   The second is to call me or another person in program when you are done eating for the day and commit to not eating anything else until breakfast tomorrow.  Then, call me tomorrow and commit to me what you will be eating for the entire day.  By the following day, you will feel better.  For whatever reason, as soon as you get-in one really ‘squeaky-clean’ day of abstinence, you will feel better and be able to leave it behind you and move forward.”  As I have said before, I have been around OA since 1988, but I had never heard anything so powerful.  An actual WAY OUT!  And it worked EXACTLY like she said!  Ever since then, whenever I eat too much (and it DOES happen!), I follow this advice just the way it is written here and I am able to continue-on!  Remember: it is WAY more important that your abstinence be long-term rather than perfect!

When you first arrive.  There are usually people who purposely go to meetings early so they can hang-out and chat with people they know, and hopefully greet newcomers.  If no one approaches you, don’t be offended.  Some groups are stronger in this area than others.  Just have a seat, relax, and say a little prayer that you have the willingness to listen with an open mind.

Opening remarks.  Most meetings are called-to-order in some way at exactly the time scheduled.  There is a lot of emphasis in program about the importance of discipline, and this includes being on-time.  There will usually be a “leader” or “chairperson” facing the group and reading from some type of written format.  The meeting is then either turned-over to the guest speaker, or a discussion topic is chosen and people raise their hands to share on it.

Your role.  Some meetings ask newcomers to raise their hands and introduce themselves by giving their first name only.  If you are not comfortable doing this, you don’t have to raise your hand.  Other meetings go around the room and have everyone state their first name and their addiction, such as “Hi, may name is Sheryl and I’m a food addict.”  Or the “lazy-man’s version,” “Sheryl, food addict.”   The group would then respond, “Hi, Sheryl.”  Again, if you are not comfortable doing this, simply say “pass” and no one will think twice about it.  Some groups don’t do personal introductions at all.  If you are at a meeting where people take turns reading and you don’t want to do that, again, simply say “pass” when it is your turn and they will skip over you.  Occasionally the chairperson will randomly call-on people to share, but they usually only choose people they know and it is done more out of playfulness than anything else.  I have never seen anyone put a newcomer on the stop like that.  But even if that DID happen, just say “pass” and they will call on someone else.  (In other words, your fear of public speaking is NOT an excuse to stay home!)  Also, in many OA meetings (I have not seen this at AA), a contact list is passed around.  If someone’s name and contact information is on the list, that means they are willing to receive phonecalls from people who need help between meetings, so you can copy down this information.  If you want to receive calls, add your name and information to the list.  If you are not comfortable with this, simply pass the list to the next person.

The Seventh Tradition:  Tradition #7 states that all meetings are to be “self-supporting through their own contributions” (click on “The 12 & 12″ at the top of this page to see the short version of the traditions, if interested).  Thus, a basket is passed to collect money to pay the rent, to purchase books for members to buy, and to send to the main office so they have money for the printing of approved literature and the maintenance of the official website and service center,…  No one at the meeting is keeping that money for themselves.

Break-time.  Food addicts BEWARE!  If you go to “open” * AA meetings for support like I do (even though I don’t drink), you are pretty-much guaranteed to be in the presence of…<gasp!>… sweet treats!  And not just at break-time!  Members of many anonymous groups pass around bags of sweets during the meeting, as well.  Personally, I was pretty-much a “closet-eater,” so this doesn’t really bother me.  (Me?!  Eat “bad” food in PUBLIC?!  NEV-er!)  But if you are newly abstinent and feel that just being around sugary snacks could cause you to “slip” off your food plan, you should probably stick with OA meetings, at least for a while.  Almost all anonymous meetings serve coffee, but you will never see food being served at OA.

Closing.  At the end of the meeting, everyone forms a circle by holding hands.  Then a prayer is said aloud by all who wish to join-in.  If this offends you for some reason, you can join the circle but remain silent or you can simply leave early.  Just don’t let this stop you from coming back.

* FYI – “open” meetings mean anyone is welcome, “closed” meetings are for those with that particular addiction ONLY.  Always check your local meeting list (available through each Anonymous program’s website) before walking-into meetings that are new to you. 

Just one final note on this…  To me, overweight compulsive overeaters walking into their very first OA meeting are the most courageous addicts of them all.  Who but those literally “wearing” their addiction for all to see, walking into their very first meeting in utter defeat, could possibly know any greater feelings of guilt, shame, and despair?  For them to be able to enter the halls of OA in spite of the extreme self-loathing holding them captive is a true miracle.  To me, just in their showing-up, they are the truest personification of the word “inspirational.”

The 12 Steps help addicts to understand that their addicton is a disease, to uncover and get-rid-of the underlying issues causing them to use, to learn to depend upon a Higher Power for guidance with all aspects of life, and to reach-out to other addicts.  They have helped millions of people all over the world recover from every form of addiction from food to alcohol, from smoking to gambling.  When followed exactly, they WILL work for you, too.