Drinking & Drugging?  To me they are similar to the above example of smoking in that both are constantly romanticized in movies, on TV, in books,…   While we’re at it, we might as well throw-in sex addiction here.  Somehow, over the years, all three of these have become intertwined with the stereotypical lifestyle of rock musicians and former child stars. Often tragic, yes, but still somehow appealing, in a media-tabloid sort of way.

Gambling?  Maybe not so romantic, but definitely exciting.  Ever see all the neat stuff you can do and buy at a casino?  It’s a money-spender’s paradise, the perfect destination for gamblers and shopaholics, alike!  And the allure of obtaining even MORE money is always just one pull away!  I can definitely see the appeal.

Then, of course, you have the “glamour” of anorexia/bulimia.  Can runway models be any thinner?!  With so many magazines berating stars whenever they gain a few pounds, it’s a wonder these eating disorders aren’t running rampant through the lives of the rich and famous.  (Personally, I think they are, but I believe that their “handlers” warn them against getting too thin.)  And in a society that defines beauty according to body size, who DOESN’T want to be labeled as “attractive?”  So you might have to destroy your insides in the process.  Small price to pay if you at least get the benefit of looking good on the OUTside, right?

So what do all these “cool” addictions have that compulsive overeating DOESN’T?

You can HIDE all the others.

You can’t hide a morbidly obese body.  (It’s impossible.  Believe me.  I’ve tried.)

Which is exactly the reason why it is the uncoolest addiction of them all.

In all the other cases, a person can “seem” normal much of the time, even to themselves.  If smokers aren’t smoking (and are not at the stage of hacking-up a lung), they would not stand-out as a nicotine fiend.  If drug addicts or alcoholics are sober, you might not know they have an addiction at all.  Nothing about gamblers or sex addicts (or even serial killers, for that matter) would make those people stand out in a crowd.  And controlled purging and exercise addiction may mask itself as a fitness addiction (which is actually seen as a positive in this country).  But when you’re carrying around 100, 200 or 300 pounds of extra “you” around, everyone sees it and knows exactly how you got that way.  You NEVER get a break from it!  Every time you look in a mirror or catch a glimpse of your reflection in a storefront window or go to the doctor or go clothes shopping…  There is just no way to escape the physical evidence of this disease.  Worse, you don’t even have the dignity of being able to hide it from others!  In this way, I think compulsive overeating and binge-eating cause their own peculiar type of psychological damage that none of the other addictions can come close to.

Sadly, Hollywood continues to use this unpleasant reality of the disease to perpetuate some of the worst stereotypes about people who are obese.  Even in this era of political correctness, you will still see cartoons, movies, music videos, and sitcoms portraying overweight people in the same old tired roles.  Here are a few of my least favorites:

The face-stuffing, gas-blowing, belching, offensive friend.

The lazy, desperate, ugly, reclusive sister/aunt (typically a single female).

The food-is-like-sex addict with an overly-confident view of her ability to attract men (which is supposed to be the funny part).

The painfully shy, bullied, depressed teen who is chronically suicidal.

Only in recent years have we started to see obese characters with real depth.  Overweight people with real sex appeal.  “People Of Size” as the main character, not just some negative supporting role who’s only purpose is make the other person look more attractive.  But it’s still so sad that, even now, an overweight person still has to feel like they are being smacked back to the reality of their low status in society, even in the midst of seeking the same escape that everyone else is looking for in the entertainment industry.

Not surprisingly, I remember spending years of my youth wishing I had a “better” addiction.  I figured that if I could just get over my fear of embarrassing myself that I could at least forget about my weight problem for a while by getting drunk!  At one point I even considered doing cocaine, thinking it would make me thin (until a worldly friend told me that it was possible to do coke AND be fat).  But who was I kidding?  I was even too scared to even smoke a joint!  Then I heard about bulimia.  Now THAT made sense to me.  For, isn’t it the dream of every true food addict to be able to pig-out AND be thin – – AT THE SAME TIME?!?!  I was thinking about it so much that I even told my counselor about my secret desire to become bulimic.  She quickly told me all the horrible medical side-effects, and that stopped me in my tracks.  My fear of doctors and hospitals actually came in handy in that particular situation.  (Isn’t it funny how God works in our lives, even when we don’t even know He’s there at all?)

Just in case all of this is not proof enough for you of the “uncoolness” of being a food addict, here is the one thing that annoys me above all the others…

Compulsive overeating and binge-eating are even considered to be “uncool” by other addicts in recovery! 

Not by ALL of them, of course,…  But still.

At first I couldn’t believe it.

Don’t believe me?  I personally know of at least two people in AA who are very open with friends and family about their involvement with the 12 Step program with respect to alcohol, but who won’t even tell their own spouses that they also attend OA meetings!

Need more evidence?   I have actually had people come up to me IN MEETINGS and tell me that overeating is “easy” to fix – – that it is just a matter of discipline and willpower.  Really.  Couldn’t I, who has never gotten drunk or high in my life, say the same about alcohol and drugs?  I’ve even had AA’s come up to me after I’ve shared about my food addiction to offer me diet tips and suggestions about local diet clubs!  As if I had somehow lost my way and wondered into a 12 Step meeting by accident!  They weren’t being mean, but they weren’t able to grasp that my addiction was every bit as serious as theirs.  They were genuinely oblivious to our common “soul sickness.”

Another example?  I shared a short food story at an AA meeting one night (I was actually asked to because everyone else had already shared), and when I was finished, the next person who spoke actually cross-talked at me and started laughing out loud about how I didn’t know what real addiction was compared to his “bad” drug problem that landed him in jail!  I was mortified!  Luckily, an old-timer came to my rescue and yelled out, “No cross-talk!”

And yet, it is through experiences such as these that I have been able to find my niche within the open AA meetings I attend: I am a self-appointed OA ambassador.  I no longer take offense when people with other addictions don’t get the connection or understand why I am there.  Instead, if they approach me, I see it as an opportunity to talk to them and explain the similarities between food and alcohol addiction, and eventually most of them get it.  In fact, I now have many AA friends who have told me that after they stopped drinking, their eating started getting out of control.  Still others I talk to have shared that, when they really thought about it, they realized that they had been food addicts long before they had ever even tasted alcohol.  Best part of all?  I have succeeded in convincing a few of these people to check out OA, and some of them are starting to “stick!”

Addiction is addiction.

Only a Higher Power can save us, ALL of us (cool & uncool addicts alike), from ourselves.

After I was back in program and working on The 12 Steps, I very slowly began to re-think the religion of my childhood.  This lead me to one of the best investments of my life: I spent $30 on the book, “Christianity For Dummies.”  I was immediately and completely stunned by my lack of knowledge of even the most basic teachings of Jesus, even though I had been raised a Catholic.  Next I bought a KJV Bible (because I had heard that it was the most accurate translation of the original texts) and I started reading it with the approach of a scientist doing research.  I wanted to know why so many people were drawn to Jesus and what was so special about His teachings.

Then one day, as I was channel-surfing, I happened upon a woman named Joyce Meyer (see Inspirational Links, if interested).  I did not know that she was also a Christian speaker.  In fact, when I tuned-in to her for the first time, she was talking about her addiction to chocolate-covered peanuts.  That, plus her matter-of-fact delivery and her quick wit, grabbed my attention.  I cynically sat there, waiting for a pitch for some new diet pill or new exercise machine that never came.  Then she started mentioning the Bible.  Thanks to Joel, I had already begun to put aside any past prejudice I had about formal religion, so I was okay with this and able and to just listen and see if there was anything in what was being said that could benefit me and my new lifestyle (just as I have finally learned to do at meetings).  But then Joyce mentioned…”The Devil.”

Now THAT was a different story.

I instinctively went for the remote control.  Then this thought came to me:  “Just substitute the words ‘my addiction’ for ‘The Devil’ or ‘Satan.’ ”  And that was all it took.  I am not saying that I agree with all of Joyce’s beliefs, but being open-minded enough to listen to the things she presents that DO seem right to me has made a huge difference in my life, especially with regard to her straight-forward techniques for how to squash the negative thoughts that had dominated my thinking (and therefore, my life) for more than four decades.  But even more than that, she helped me realize that what I was really seeking in all my “research” was a personal relationship with my God, not merely an intellectual understanding of Him.  This, combined with the foundational knowledge I now had about what it meant to be a follower of Jesus, convinced me that I was ready to call myself a Christian.

In February of 2011, quietly, at home, through prayer, I gave my life over to the care of Jesus.  Through the 12 Steps, I had already given my life over to a “God of my understanding,” but now that understanding included Jesus and all His teachings.  I then went through an odd period of wanting to tell the world about my awesome new life, but at the same time, being afraid that once I did, I would never be able to live-up to what it truly meant.  I really wanted to wear a cross, which I had never done in my life, but I didn’t feel “worthy.”  I have since made peace with this.  It took some time, but I finally realized that I could apply the program idea that I will never be perfect at following the 12 Steps, that “I am a work in progress,”  to my Christian walk.  As long as I can say that I am genuinely trying to improve, that is all that is required of me (and anyone else).

I have since started-out on a quest to find a Christian church.  I have sat down with three pastors/priests so far, each from a different Christian denomination, and I asked all of them the same grueling two typed pages of single-spaced questions.  All were gracious, all spent literally hours with me, and all expressed complete devotion to and conviction in what they believed, even though all three of them believe three completely different interpretations of the same exact Bible!  Again I was fascinated by the way, even among the same religion, people have come up with different ways to pursue the same thing – – a personal relationship with their God.  As it stands now, I consider myself to be non-denominational, for this very reason.  I also know that I do NOT want to be a part of any church that is critical of any other group, and that I DO want to be part of a church that is based on Jesus’ main doctrine, which is to love God and to love your neighbors (ALL of them, not just certain ones) as yourself.  To me, through the open-mindedness I have learned in program and through hearing about the wide variety of spiritual experiences that people everywhere are having every day in all different ways, it seems so arrogant that anyone would think that their way of following God is the “only” way or the “right” way.  How can anyone honestly believe that when we are talking about the spiritual realm, here!  Doesn’t that automatically mean that it is, by definition, beyond our limited human understanding?  All I DO know for sure is that I have way more than enough “on my plate” (so to speak) in trying to figure out my own walk with God to have any time or energy left over for judging and criticizing what other people are doing in their walk with God.

What others are doing is literally none of my business.

You will eventually hear in the halls of OA that all addicts have “built-in forgetters” when it comes to recovery, meaning that we constantly need to be re-reminded why we ever decided to fight this battle in the first place.  By reading The Promises on a regular basis, not only does it train our minds to focus on something positive for a change, but it helps us to combat this pesky forgetfulness and reminds us that the battle is indeed worth the fight.  So in times of doubt, temptation, or despair, give this a try: find a quiet place to sit or lie down and read The Promises to yourself, really thinking about each.  Imagine what it would mean to you, personally, if each came true – how each would change your life in another positive way.  Try to picture what living that new “promised” life would be like.  You will be surprised how just a few minutes of this will lift your spirits just enough to get your butt back out on that battlefield.

It has been my experience that the majority of the members of 12-Step groups believe in the saying, “once an addict, always an addict.”  (Or, sometimes they put it this way: “You can’t change a pickle back into a cucumber!”)  They will usually use the analogy of having an allergy: when you put a substance that you are allergic to into your system, you have a reaction.  When you remove that substance, the reaction goes away, but you still have the allergy.  These are the people who will tell you that no matter how long they are in program and no matter how well they “work it,” they will never actually fully “recover” – – they will always be in a process of “recovering.”   Others in program agree with the allergy metaphor regarding physical recovery, but they believe that, by doing the the 12-steps, they have actually fully “recovered” because the insanity of continually ingesting substances that cause them pain has been removed.  They would argue that they have finally “fixed” the soul-sickness that was causing their desperate need to seek comfort in their “drug of choice” rather than in a Higher Power. They will also usually site the cover-page of the Big Book which states that the pages to follow will tell “The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism.”  A less popular view that I hear from time-to-time is the idea that, by virtue of the fact that a person will no longer even consider taking a drink shows that they have been “restored to sanity,” and therefore, that they have been “cured” of their alcoholic condition.  However, since even this group of 12-Steppers would agree that by re-introducing your drug of choice back into your body, you are re-activating a physical allergy, this third point of view, in my opinion, is much less convincing than either of the others.

To me, all of this jibber-jabber all comes down to personal belief.  At different times in my recovery, I have felt different ways about this argument.  To be quite honest, I don’t think one is any better or more correct than the others.  All adhere to the basic principle that it is the ongoing process of continually seeking to improve your relationship with your Higher Power that is going to keep you abstinent/sober.  So it’s not like, if you believe you “have recovered” or that you are “cured” you can stop working the principles of the program, cut yourself off from your Higher Power, and hope to stay “clean” on your own because you are “all better now.”  In the end, all of these ideas are just different ways of looking at the same miracle of recovery that is available to all who are willing to follow a few “simple but not easy” steps.

I also find it very helpful to keep my measuring cups and spoons handy.  For me this means that they stay on the window sill above my kitchen sink.  I also make sure I have a spare set of measuring cups and spoons, just in case the ones I need are dirty.  Nothing will discourage the use of measuring cups and spoons like not being able to find them when you need them.  Plus, before I leave the house in the morning, I make sure that all the pans and utensils that I need to prepare my dinner meal are clean and ready to go.  I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to come home from a long day, hungry, tired, and ready to cook, only to find that everything I need to do it is sitting in the dishwasher, dirty, because I forgot to turn it on.  Finally, I also find it helpful to prepare for long car rides.  I like to bring fruit with me.  It doesn’t “feel” like the food I used to binge on in my car during my days as an active food addict, so it doesn’t “set me off,” but it takes the edge off just enough to get me safely and sanely to my next meal without that ravenous feeling.

By taking the time to consistantly do these few simple things, you will be helping yourself stay abstient for the long haul.  And that’s the whole point.

But when you really think about it, don’t we all “hear voices” all the time?  For some reason, though, we don’t have a problem with it if we say that we need to “reprogram the negative tapes in our heads.”  But aren’t those tapes actually “voices” in our minds telling us that we aren’t good enough or that we are worthless or that everyone is talking about us?

We each have a voice inside of us that sounds like us, and it tells us all sorts of things all the time.   The only difference between this voice and the voice of our Higher Power is that all the messages that come from our Higher Power are POSITIVE messages.  Kind of like what you “hear” when you say that your “conscience” told you to do or not to do something.  Or what you hear when you spontaneously speak words of encouragement to yourself or others.  I once heard someone in a meeting say that he liked to think of that Dr. Seuss book, “Horton Hears A Who,” whenever he imagined his Higher Power trying to communicate with Him.  I’ve also heard that positive voice being likened to a radio channel – – it is constantly sending out signals, but if you are not tuned-in to that particular frequency, you are not going to get the messages.  That’s why meditation is so important – – it forces us to quiet all that “noise” (negative tapes, self-talk, memories, to-do lists,…) that is always spinning around in our brains so we CAN hear that still, small voice.

Remember, your Higher Power should be tied-in to something that makes you feel good, like the The Power Of Love or The Good Of Man, so that when you hear that voice, it will not be shouting at you or condemning you.  If your Higher Power makes you feel like you are a “bad” person, you need to change that channel…and FAST!

The other thing I’d like to just throw out there is the reason behind all this measuring.  I think it makes a lot of sense to look at all of it as a metaphor for us trying to “measure” our self-worth.  We desperately want those numbers to “prove” to us that we are “good enough.”  To tell us what we do not believe about ourselves on our own.  Why else would are moods be so closely tied-in to those numbers?  Ever notice how the amount on the scale or which pair of jeans you can squeeze into can determine the kind of day you’re going to have?  That is just the type of nonsense that has to be corrected.  Until we can get to that place where we just “know” we are fine the way we are, we will never be able to conquer our addiction.

The good news?  The 12 Steps are designed to help you do just that.

Although there are obviously many different types of food plans, there are a few things that most of the good ones have in common:

A list of “binge foods” to avoid.  In my opinion, this is the most important part of your food plan.  It also is the most difficult to come to terms with, IF you are trying to do it without the help of your Higher Power. (Luckily, in program, this is not the case).  Unfortunately, unless you are on a food plan for medical reasons, it will take some time for you to experiment in order to find what works for you, but it is well-worth the time and effort.  For example, in the beginning, because I knew I could not control the amount of chocolate I ate, I knew had to give it up.  But did that mean I couldn’t have anything that was chocolate flavored?  How about sugar-free chocolate?  Over the years I have learned that, for me, it is just so much easier to eliminate all forms of chocolate.  But that’s just me.  Another example is potato chips.  I have never been able to eat “just one.”  But what about popcorn?  Or nuts?  They’re healthy, right?  Not if you eat the whole jar or can, they’re not!  Through trial, error, a whole-lot of praying, and a whole-lot of pig-headedness, I came to the same conclusion with all of these…for me, it is just easier not to eat any salty snacks or any nuts at all.  You will also hear many people in OA talk about how they have given-up sugar and flour.  At first glance, this may seem like an impossible tasks, since that would eliminate almost every form of bread, pasta, cereal, and dessert.  But again, if you seek the help of your Higher Power, you just may discover (as I did) that, once you get through the withdrawal symptoms (which last about 2 weeks), you no longer have any physical cravings for these things, which makes staying abstinent a whole lot easier.  There are also degrees of “no sugar/no flour” eating.  Some people read the labels of every single bite they put into their mouths, never putting any form of these two things into their systems.  At restaurants they make sure these items are not in the ingredient lists.  They may even call ahead when dining out to be sure sugar/flour-free foods are available.  Personally, I don’t do any of that.  In fact, I allow myself to eat “breaded” items and some salad dressings that contain sugar, even though I do consider myself to be on a no sugar/no flour plan.  My rule of thumb is this: if I can’t stop eating it, I can’t have it.  So far, so good on these two items.  Other than that, I have not eaten bread or pasta in over 2 years and I don’t miss them at all.  And YOU can do the same, if that appeals to you!  But you need to go slow, and you need the help of your Higher Power in order to do it.  Ask Him/Her/It for help, and then get rid of the one food item that you have the most difficulty controlling and see what happens.  Try not having it for JUST ONE DAY.  Commit to your sponsor (or someone else in program if you don’t have one yet) what you are doing – this will make you accountable.  Then try another day.  And another…  See if you can make it to two weeks, if for no other reason than to see if you can feel a difference in the intensity of your cravings after the withdrawal period has passed.  (Reminds me of a program saying that goes something like this: “If you are not completely satisfied with recovery, you can always have your misery back.”)  Then, if you want to try eating a controlled amount of that food, go ahead and try it.  Do you start obsessing over eating it all over again?  Do you binge on it right away?  If so, this is probably something you would be better-off eliminating entirely.  If not, it can probably stay, in controlled amounts.  Ask your Higher Power what He/She/It thinks.  You WILL get an answer.

A list of eating behaviors to avoid.  As all food addicts are well-aware, there are certain behaviors that just “set-us-off.”  For example, maybe eating fast food triggers you to eat too much.  Maybe eating in your car does.  (For me it was both.)  How about waking up in the middle of the night to eat?  (I think that was the absolute worst one for me!)  Or hiding food around the house?  Or eating items out of the freezer that were not meant to be eaten frozen?  Or eating out of the garbage?  Or vomiting, using laxatives, or over-exercising to compensate for bingeing?  Or, or, OR!  You get the idea.  All good food addicts have a few (if not all) of these skeletons in their closets.  Make a list  of these behaviors and take a good, hard look at all of them.  Then, with he help of your Higher Power, eliminate that one, most-bothersome behavior, JUST FOR TODAY, the same way you did with that one food item.  Again, commit this decision to someone in program.  For me, I had to give-up eating in my car and all fast food drive-thrus for quite some time.  Now, however, I am able to do those things occasionally, but I have a list of specific items that I can order and I now recognize that there is something very unsatisfying about not eating at a table.  It is a true miracle…I actually RATHER NOT eat in the car nowadays, whereas before, I couldn’t stop!  And that horrible night-eating thing is gone, too!  I will NEVER miss the nightmares and the early morning indigestion THAT would cause!

A description of the portion sizes you are allowing yourself.  Whether you use measuring cups, a food scale, “scoops”, “bags,” “half-a can,” “one piece,” the amount that fits on your plate, or the serving you are given at a restaurant, you are going to need some guidelines here, since most compulsive overeaters have problems with quantity.  As with all the other topics listed above, there are those who are loose about measuring, and those who take it to the extreme.  Some OA’s bring their measuring cups to restaurants with them.  Others refuse to go out to eat at all because serving sizes in restaurants are almost always bigger than what a measured portion would be at home.  Still others ask their waiters to split the meal in half before it comes out (so they are not tempted to keep eating) and take the rest home in a doggie bag for another meal.  For me, if I am at home, I use measuring cups (but not a food scale – – too many bad memories!).  When I am at a restaurant, I allow myself to eat the amount that is put in front of me.  (Ironically, since I have given myself permission to do that, there have been many times in the past 2 years that I have decided NOT to finish it!  Now if THAT’S not a miracle, I don’t know WHAT is!).  But when I am eating at someone else’s house or at family-style/buffet-type restaurant, I don’t measure with cups, but I do try to eye-ball what looks “right.”  I have actually started to develop a “gut-feeling” about what that amount is for me.  If I get a twinge of a sick feeling inside, I put some back.  That feeling usually gives me just enough time to remind myself that the extra mouthful or two is no longer worth my peace of mind.

A statement of how many times per day you can eat.  Many people in program follow the “old-school” approach of eating “three balanced, moderate meals a day with nothing in-between except coffee, tea, or low-cal drinks.”  The latest OA view on food plans, however, leaves them up to the individual.  Personally, I need the flexibility to eat snacks.  Besides a greater emphasis on spirituality, this was probably the most important difference in my recovery this time around.  And it is no coincidence that this is the time that I have been able to, not only maintain a 75 pound weight loss, but to do so for a year…even though I am not at my goal weight! That means that I have been following a food plan for over a YEAR even though I have not lost any more weight!  That is HUGE for me!  In the past, why would I even BOTHER?!  But this time, because I stay connected to my Higher Power, and because my snacks take away that feeling of deprivation/punishment that I always associated with “dieting,” I have been able to stay on my plan, “one day at a time”…for over 2 YEARS!  I eat every 3 to 4 hours and I never get hungry!

A plan of action for the times you go off track.  The best piece of advice I ever got in Overeaters Anonymous came from my latest sponsor.  Back in 2009, when I was just starting out on my current food plan, I overate at a meal and called her in a panic.  She said, “The first 24 hours are the most important.  The first thing you need to do is continue on your food plan.  Do NOT cut out any food that you still have left to eat for today.  That just starts-up that whole cycle of feeling deprived and punishing yourself.   The second is to call me or another person in program when you are done eating for the day and commit to not eating anything else until breakfast tomorrow.  Then, call me tomorrow and commit to me what you will be eating for the entire day.  By the following day, you will feel better.  For whatever reason, as soon as you get-in one really ‘squeaky-clean’ day of abstinence, you will feel better and be able to leave it behind you and move forward.”  As I have said before, I have been around OA since 1988, but I had never heard anything so powerful.  An actual WAY OUT!  And it worked EXACTLY like she said!  Ever since then, whenever I eat too much (and it DOES happen!), I follow this advice just the way it is written here and I am able to continue-on!  Remember: it is WAY more important that your abstinence be long-term rather than perfect!

When you first arrive.  There are usually people who purposely go to meetings early so they can hang-out and chat with people they know, and hopefully greet newcomers.  If no one approaches you, don’t be offended.  Some groups are stronger in this area than others.  Just have a seat, relax, and say a little prayer that you have the willingness to listen with an open mind.

Opening remarks.  Most meetings are called-to-order in some way at exactly the time scheduled.  There is a lot of emphasis in program about the importance of discipline, and this includes being on-time.  There will usually be a “leader” or “chairperson” facing the group and reading from some type of written format.  The meeting is then either turned-over to the guest speaker, or a discussion topic is chosen and people raise their hands to share on it.

Your role.  Some meetings ask newcomers to raise their hands and introduce themselves by giving their first name only.  If you are not comfortable doing this, you don’t have to raise your hand.  Other meetings go around the room and have everyone state their first name and their addiction, such as “Hi, may name is Sheryl and I’m a food addict.”  Or the “lazy-man’s version,” “Sheryl, food addict.”   The group would then respond, “Hi, Sheryl.”  Again, if you are not comfortable doing this, simply say “pass” and no one will think twice about it.  Some groups don’t do personal introductions at all.  If you are at a meeting where people take turns reading and you don’t want to do that, again, simply say “pass” when it is your turn and they will skip over you.  Occasionally the chairperson will randomly call-on people to share, but they usually only choose people they know and it is done more out of playfulness than anything else.  I have never seen anyone put a newcomer on the stop like that.  But even if that DID happen, just say “pass” and they will call on someone else.  (In other words, your fear of public speaking is NOT an excuse to stay home!)  Also, in many OA meetings (I have not seen this at AA), a contact list is passed around.  If someone’s name and contact information is on the list, that means they are willing to receive phonecalls from people who need help between meetings, so you can copy down this information.  If you want to receive calls, add your name and information to the list.  If you are not comfortable with this, simply pass the list to the next person.

The Seventh Tradition:  Tradition #7 states that all meetings are to be “self-supporting through their own contributions” (click on “The 12 & 12″ at the top of this page to see the short version of the traditions, if interested).  Thus, a basket is passed to collect money to pay the rent, to purchase books for members to buy, and to send to the main office so they have money for the printing of approved literature and the maintenance of the official website and service center,…  No one at the meeting is keeping that money for themselves.

Break-time.  Food addicts BEWARE!  If you go to “open” * AA meetings for support like I do (even though I don’t drink), you are pretty-much guaranteed to be in the presence of…<gasp!>… sweet treats!  And not just at break-time!  Members of many anonymous groups pass around bags of sweets during the meeting, as well.  Personally, I was pretty-much a “closet-eater,” so this doesn’t really bother me.  (Me?!  Eat “bad” food in PUBLIC?!  NEV-er!)  But if you are newly abstinent and feel that just being around sugary snacks could cause you to “slip” off your food plan, you should probably stick with OA meetings, at least for a while.  Almost all anonymous meetings serve coffee, but you will never see food being served at OA.

Closing.  At the end of the meeting, everyone forms a circle by holding hands.  Then a prayer is said aloud by all who wish to join-in.  If this offends you for some reason, you can join the circle but remain silent or you can simply leave early.  Just don’t let this stop you from coming back.

* FYI – “open” meetings mean anyone is welcome, “closed” meetings are for those with that particular addiction ONLY.  Always check your local meeting list (available through each Anonymous program’s website) before walking-into meetings that are new to you. 

The main thing to keep in mind when it comes to the words “God” and “Higher Power” as they are used in anonymous programs is that they refer to “the God of your understanding.”  This could be the God of the Bible, or Mother Nature, or some sort of Creative Intelligence.  I’ve also heard “Him” or “Her” or “It” being called “The Power Of Love” or “The Spirit Of The Universe.”  The point is that you come to a place where you acknowledge the existence of forces that are beyond your limited understanding of the world.  Actually, what you really need to conquer your addiction is a source of energy that is both outside of you and more powerful than you.  As for myself, my God-prejudice was so strong that I had to resort to something even less mystical than any of these titles by simply believing in “The Power Of The Group.”  The more meetings I went to, the more transformations I saw taking place in the people who followed the suggestions of the program, and the more I could feel the power that comes from those who are truly interested in helping their fellows, the more I had to concede to the fact that “Something” was helping these people.  “Something” not of themselves.  And that was all it took.  That tiny seed of willingness to admit that there may be something “out there” that could help me was all that I needed to begin my spiritual journey.