A FEW EXTRAS: When I am feeling deprived because I am craving the taste of something sweet, I give myself the freedom to add an extra packet of sweetener to my coffee or my cereal.  Or I will purposely go out for an iced coffee made by professionals – -always so much more “scrumdiddlyumptous” than the ones I make at home.  Sure, that is probably due to the cream they use that I don’t, but if that will give me the boost I need to avoid a binge, then so be it.   Same goes for those awkward moments when I am out with friends or family and there is that last minute decision to go out for ice cream.  I used to feel like the martyr, grimly letting everyone know that “I can’t have that.”  Nowadays, I am usually not even interested in getting anything and I simply order a coffee or a diet soda.  But if I do feel myself getting cranky about it, I allow myself to have one small scoop of sugar free ice cream.  Again, for me, it’s not about the extra calories, but rather, how I feel towards my particular plan of eating.

A FLEXIBLE SCHEDULE: I used to practice the 3-0-1 plan (three meals a day, nothing in between, one day at a time) that is so famous within the OA fellowship.  It is a great idea and works well for so many people.  But it didn’t work for me.  Ever since I allowed myself the freedom to eat all the same foods and portions that I had on my 3-0-1 plan without confining myself to only eating three times per day, I instantly felt myself relax.  Now I eat at the times that fit most conveniently into my schedule, or (gasp!), at the times when I actually feel hungry!  And here is the most amazing part of all: I have actually had some days when I do NOT get around to eating all the food I have coming to me!  I sincerely believe that this is because, for the first time in my life, I am actually beginning to listen to the signals from my body and eating according to those rather than according to the time on a clock.  I used to be a big believer in the idea that I was some kind of genetic mutants who had been born without the ability to recognize when I was full.  But over the past two years, I have changed my mind about that.  Now I think it is just that I never learned what the sensations of hunger and fullness felt like because I was always eating according to emotional (rather than physical) cues.

REPETITIVE FOODS: I used to have a sponsor who would not let me eat the same meal more than once within any given week.  I suppose there may be some value to this strategy, considering how obsessive we food addicts tend to be.  But for whatever reason, I found that when left to my own devices in this one area, as long as I am eating according to an abstinent plan, eating the same foods or meals from one day to the next is actually comforting to me, especially if they are foods or meals that I really enjoy.  Whatever benefit to body or mind that may have come out of forcing myself to eat a variety of things I don’t really care for was usually lost to a much greater sense of deprivation and resentment at not being allowed the freedom to the eat abstinent foods that I actually liked.

ORDERING OUT:  Whether we like it or not, eating is big part of socializing.  In the past, my rigid food plan contained all sorts of rules around eating out.  I was supposed to ask questions about how certain foods were prepared.  I needed to bring home half of what was on my plate to be eaten as a meal the following day.  I could not have any fried foods.  I had to have oil and vinegar on my salad (which I hate) if there were no sugar free options.  Or I could bring my own dressing with me, which I would never do.  (Just a personal preference here.  I know plenty of program people who have brought their own salad dressings into restaurants and lived to tell the tale.)  And these are just the rules I can remember off the top of my head, 20 years later.  I’m sure there were many more.  Today, I have almost the exact opposite philosophy regarding eating in restaurants.  Now I give myself permission to eat whatever portion is put in front of me (as long as I have ordered something that is meant as a serving for one person, of course!).  If the choice is between a binge or a bigger portion of chicken, I’ll take the chicken.  I also eat fried foods when I am out.  This is not a healthy choice, mind you, but it’s my choice.  Maybe some day I will change my mind on this one, but so far, eating these foods has not given me the urge to binge.  Oddly enough, since I have taken this less restrictive approach, there have been several times when I have actually taken food home, either to give to my husband or to have as part of another meal, even though I don’t have to do so.  More evidence of sanity returning!

Although I understand that, in some ways, many of these concessions are the remnants of the way I used to use food as a “reward,” I have discovered that, for me, they also make it easier for me to stay abstinent, which then gives me confidence in my ability to stick to a food plan.  In other words, it is the old “success breeds success” theory.  For so many years, I felt like I could not trust my own body (or mind) to make any type of healthy decisions when it came to food.  But now I am finally beginning to trust myself, because I am finally beginning to trust and rely on a God of my understanding.  I truly believe that He is inside me, healing the damaged part of my mind, and making it possible for me to eat in an ever more sane, balanced way.

In the end, what it really comes down to is the ability to cut myself some slack.  By letting go of the perfectionism I used to have around “good” foods, “bad” foods, and dieting in general, I am acknowledging my humanity rather than pretending that it does not exist.  It is not “wrong” to enjoy food, or to want to go out to eat with friends, or to want to enjoy healthy portions of foods that are part of family traditions that are special to us.  Here I am reminded of the part of the Big Book that talks about our desire for sex as being a God-given trait of all humans that is to be enjoyed rather than shunned.

Couldn’t the same be said for our sense of taste?

Whether I “meditate upon” negative thoughts or positive thoughts, that has no baring on my value as a person.  Same with my food choices.  But the TRUTH of the matter is that the positive/healthy thoughts (or foods or behaviors or feelings,…) are the ones that make me feel BETTER about myself and therefore, they are the ones that will lead me to a more enjoyable way of life.  They will not make me “good,” but they WILL make me HAPPY!

So why not do what I do now?  If you find yourself dwelling on things that make you feel bad, just yell to yourself, “STOP IT!”  And then change the picture in your mind.  I like to imagine this happening the same way a channel changes on my television when I press a button on the remote control.

In the beginning it seemed like I was doing this a million times a day.  Now I think its down to only a couple-hundred times.  (Remember: It’s all about progress, not perfection, right?)

So give it a try.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

For me, the most shocking part of this little self-appraisal has been noticing how many times I allow myself to get too tired or too anxious (or a combination of these two, which I describe as a feeling of being “overwhelmed”).  I was never one to nap, but now I do if I need to.  Same with taking time-out for deep breathing or meditation when I am feeling especially anxious.  And who would have thought that taking a drink, either of water or of a low-cal drink, would actually take away cravings?  Not me, that’s for sure!  But now I keep plenty of decaf coffee and ice on hand for iced coffee and I actually look forward to having it.

So the next time you are being nagged by one of those pesky food thoughts, think “Hat-Blat” and take the time to fix the real issue rather than eating.  By that time, the craving will have passed – – or at the very least, it will probably be time to eat your next abstinent meal!

I also find it very helpful to keep my measuring cups and spoons handy.  For me this means that they stay on the window sill above my kitchen sink.  I also make sure I have a spare set of measuring cups and spoons, just in case the ones I need are dirty.  Nothing will discourage the use of measuring cups and spoons like not being able to find them when you need them.  Plus, before I leave the house in the morning, I make sure that all the pans and utensils that I need to prepare my dinner meal are clean and ready to go.  I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to come home from a long day, hungry, tired, and ready to cook, only to find that everything I need to do it is sitting in the dishwasher, dirty, because I forgot to turn it on.  Finally, I also find it helpful to prepare for long car rides.  I like to bring fruit with me.  It doesn’t “feel” like the food I used to binge on in my car during my days as an active food addict, so it doesn’t “set me off,” but it takes the edge off just enough to get me safely and sanely to my next meal without that ravenous feeling.

By taking the time to consistantly do these few simple things, you will be helping yourself stay abstient for the long haul.  And that’s the whole point.

I never really understood this before, but a large part of my problem with stress came from the way I had wrapped my entire sense of well-being and self-worth into my career.  And this I did unconsciously.  I didn’t even know this was a problem until I left my job.  Only then was I forced to come face-to-face with the grim fact that I had no life – – no friends, interests, hobbies, or passions outside of what I did at my 60-hour-per week job.  Not only that, but I then had to take responsibility for all the damage being a workaholic for the past 6 years had done to my marriage and my relationships with family members.  To top it all off, I had “coincidentally” left OA just as this latest bout of workaholism was taking hold.  So naturally, rather than deal with any of this, I started eating even more (just when I thought that wasn’t even possible!), my hair started falling out, and since I had no income, I spent most of my suddenly wide-open schedule imagining all the gory details of what I thought was the fast-approaching day when I would lose my house.  Good times!

So how does all this relate to “healthy distractions?”  Because I was suddenly forced to find some, and fast!  By the grace of God (and out of sheer desperation), I finally found my way back to OA.  So my first new “hobby” was getting re-involved with 12-Step metings and people.  Soon afterwards, my business fell into place, as did my doing the 12-Step work that lead to even more clarity.  It was soon after I completed my 4th step that a sense of calm slowly started to filter back into my life.  I could finally really listen to music the way I used to when I was a teenager.  Then my love of nature started to come back, closely followed by the desire to create works of art.  Ironically, the more I recovered, the further back in time I went to the “true” me.  As a child in elementary school, I was always the artist of the class and I had even won some awards in that area.  But as I got older and my food addiction progressed, all of my growing feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt had me convinced that being an artist was nothing more than a pathetic joke.

Now that I have done all this step work (which, by the way, I will have to do again and again on different aspects of myself – you never graduate!), I find that having a wide range of interests, friends, and activities in my life helps to keep me abstinent, as well as helps to give me a sense of comfort.  For example, I am no longer devastated when something goes wrong at work because, invariably, something has gone “right” in some other area of my life.  I also have a better sense that if my business ever fails, I will be able to move-on to something else.  In addition to making sure that I always have a variety of positive influences at my disposal, I try to be sure that helping others, whether they are in program or not, is a part of my daily life.  Not only does this keep my mind off of eating and help me to rebuild my shattered self-esteeem, but it also distracts me from what used to be my favorite hobby of all, “morbid self reflection.”

So start looking for what really interests you – or what really interested you as a child – and fill-in some of that newly-acquired mental real estate with these positive thoughts and ambitions.  Before you know it, you’ll be walking the path that will lead you straight to your passion.