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Find Your Passion Through Healthy Distractions

One of the greatest gifts I have received as a result of doing the 12 Steps is the gift of a clear mind.  This has enabled me to finally be able to just “be,” at least most of the times.  There are still moments when I have that feeling that I am “supposed” to be doing something “more productive” than relaxing or doing creative or spiritual activities, but I am getting better at recognizing when this happens and telling myself that I don’t have to be “doing” anything in order to be a “good” person – – that I am a “human being,” not a “human doing.”  I am not saying that I give myself permission to ignore responsibilities, but there are many times in my day (especially with the way my life is set-up at this particular time), where I have an opportunity to enjoy something peaceful, but some part of me still tries to make me feel guilty about it.  However, the more I pursue this path of relaxation, the closer I get to that stress-free life we are all looking for that is totally separate from what is going on around us.

I never really understood this before, but a large part of my problem with stress came from the way I had wrapped my entire sense of well-being and self-worth into my career.  And this I did unconsciously.  I didn’t even know this was a problem until I left my job.  Only then was I forced to come face-to-face with the grim fact that I had no life – – no friends, interests, hobbies, or passions outside of what I did at my 60-hour-per week job.  Not only that, but I then had to take responsibility for all the damage being a workaholic for the past 6 years had done to my marriage and my relationships with family members.  To top it all off, I had “coincidentally” left OA just as this latest bout of workaholism was taking hold.  So naturally, rather than deal with any of this, I started eating even more (just when I thought that wasn’t even possible!), my hair started falling out, and since I had no income, I spent most of my suddenly wide-open schedule imagining all the gory details of what I thought was the fast-approaching day when I would lose my house.  Good times!

So how does all this relate to “healthy distractions?”  Because I was suddenly forced to find some, and fast!  By the grace of God (and out of sheer desperation), I finally found my way back to OA.  So my first new “hobby” was getting re-involved with 12-Step metings and people.  Soon afterwards, my business fell into place, as did my doing the 12-Step work that lead to even more clarity.  It was soon after I completed my 4th step that a sense of calm slowly started to filter back into my life.  I could finally really listen to music the way I used to when I was a teenager.  Then my love of nature started to come back, closely followed by the desire to create works of art.  Ironically, the more I recovered, the further back in time I went to the “true” me.  As a child in elementary school, I was always the artist of the class and I had even won some awards in that area.  But as I got older and my food addiction progressed, all of my growing feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt had me convinced that being an artist was nothing more than a pathetic joke.

Now that I have done all this step work (which, by the way, I will have to do again and again on different aspects of myself – you never graduate!), I find that having a wide range of interests, friends, and activities in my life helps to keep me abstinent, as well as helps to give me a sense of comfort.  For example, I am no longer devastated when something goes wrong at work because, invariably, something has gone “right” in some other area of my life.  I also have a better sense that if my business ever fails, I will be able to move-on to something else.  In addition to making sure that I always have a variety of positive influences at my disposal, I try to be sure that helping others, whether they are in program or not, is a part of my daily life.  Not only does this keep my mind off of eating and help me to rebuild my shattered self-esteeem, but it also distracts me from what used to be my favorite hobby of all, “morbid self reflection.”

So start looking for what really interests you – or what really interested you as a child – and fill-in some of that newly-acquired mental real estate with these positive thoughts and ambitions.  Before you know it, you’ll be walking the path that will lead you straight to your passion.

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March 2, 2012 This post was written by Categories: Tricks (& Tools) That Work For Me Tagged with: • • • • • • • • • • • •
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